Addressing the SHAME in Shameless Do-Gooders
Author, Stephanie Bloom-Levy
helping humankind blog
Look for the Helpers
One of the earliest hurdles of helping humankind has been to address the idea that it is socially unacceptable to share our own stories of good deeds. It reads as bragging, self-congratulatory, and bad manners; as if good deeds don’t count unless we do them silently.
We respectfully disagree.
It is not our mission to spread kindness for the sake of recognition, but it is our mission to recognize people who help to change the world through acts of humanity. We don’t think twice about articles and news stories that spread negativity. Those that spotlight the scary, the conflict, and the bullying. We ask then, why it rubs our collective skin the wrong way to read about people spreading kindness, when they’re talking about themselves.
So let’s unpack some of this!
Why does it feel so icky to pat ourselves on the back? Or to tell other people when we’ve done something kind for another human? Mark Alfano and Brian Robinson wrote on this topic in Bragging, published in “Thought,” and make the claim that it’s all about what the braggarts are trying to say about themselves. We feel as if they’re trying to convince us of their worth, or their value to humanity. A braggart gives the impression of trying to assert something (often untrue) about their character, and to receive accolades (perceived unfairly) for doing so.
If we start by removing our assumptions about people’s motives, we open up a whole world of positive perspective. But our culture is in contrast with that idea, and it can be uncomfortable to share excitement about ourselves. Can something be altruistic and receive notoriety? Can we share pride in helping others without the perception of bragging?
Open for discussion.
Read more about Bragging by Mark Alfano & Brian Robinson HERE
Author, Stephanie Bloom-Levy
It’s a humbling blow to try to launch a new podcast all about kindness and do-gooders in the world the day after a devastating mass shooting at the Kansas City parade yesterday. It’s hard, and it feels in poor taste at the least, to talk about shining a spotlight on the general goodness of humanity while dozens of people lie in hospital beds today, and a mother of two isn’t coming home to her kids.
We want to acknowledge the timing, and we mourn as a city today while we check in with our own loved ones that attended the parade.
And we also want to thank the helpers.
Like you, we saw the footage of 2 fans attending the parade, chasing down one of the suspects on foot and tackling him to the ground until help arrived. We saw the police force come out in droves running toward the danger that the crowd ran away from.
We recognize the people that helped strangers navigate the chaos of nearly a million people running at once.
We see you, and we are grateful.
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping. To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers–so many caring people in this world.”
-Fred Rogers
Here is a list of resources for you today while we navigate a collective traumatic experience.
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/coping-with-traumatic-events
Dial 988 to speak to a Crisis Hotline 24/7
https://kansascitymentalhealth.com/miscellaneous/survivors/
Johnson County Mental Health 913-268-0156 or text SHARE to 741-741
Open for Discussion